Hey guys, Jill here to offer you once again, the perspective from the female side of the brain.  Hmm, this is the first time I heard that forgiveness is NOT good for a relationship.

Apparently, some new crazy research is showing that forgiveness and letting go is not all that it’s cracked up to be when it comes to marriage and relationships, especially when it comes to the partner that was the “victim” and the forgiver.

So much for the buddhist theory of forgiveness and letting go, right?!  Sheesh, I guess those Deepak Chopra CD’s I listen to when I really need to let go of silly things like anger and hatred aren’t really doing me all that good?

Wait just a second here, no, I think that they are saying something much less dramatic, and perhaps more of a warning against being a wishy washy door mat.

Relationship experts say that if you are the forgiver, and you find yourself forgiving your mate for too many things like bad behavior or stepping out on you, you may just be giving them subconscious carte blanche to step on you whenever they want to, and permission to continue to exhibit the behavior that is upsetting you, when in fact your intentions are to just forgive and move on to help save and better the relationship.

That really sucks for the forgiver, but the fact of the matter is, you may actually be encouraging bad behavior to stop when you stay mad at your partner for a few days at least, and have a harder time letting go of the past indiscretions of bad behavior.

This actually may reinforce to them that you are not to be messed with, and that you really do have a lot of self respect. I happen to agree with some part of this, when I think of some of my past failed relationships where I was really being treated as a door mat without really knowing it until I woke up and smelled the coffee and realized that I deserved so much better.

And guess what? As soon as I put my foot down in those situations, or just plain old stopped calling the jackass, he actually wanted me back!? It’s typical of some personalities to not realize what they had until they push someone’s limits of self respect, so it’s really better to lay down the law and let them know they really could lose you and your respect if they continue to act badly.

This entry was posted on January 25, 2011 at 7:34 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Posted in Relationships by Jill L No Comments Yet