Libido

Are Men Really Ready for Sex Any Time?

I hate to break it to the ladies who might believe that us men are super-sexed up freaks all the time, ready to dive in, so to speak, at the drop of a hat, to a great sexual interlude, but it’s not true.  Maybe there are a few men out there that fit this bill, I’m sure there are since there are always the one offs to every rule, but most men defy this mythology of men constantly wanting and ready for sex, and they actually have to “be in the mood” if you can believe that, kind of like a woman.

Albeit, we may get turned on or typically want sex more than the average woman, but we still need to have some sort of a turn on that occurs, we’re not just always ready with the flip switch. We actually have a breaker that needs to be tripped, so to speak!  So I’ve found out being in a relationship with my girl for several years now, that a lot of women have this misconception about men, and they actually get sort of hurt if they’re in the mood and you happen to not so much be in the mood.

Of course this doesn’t usually happen in the first year or so of a relationship, because you’re generally ready to tear eachother’s clothes off at any given moment during those formative months of a relationship, but as time goes on, and more is required to keep things spicy and interesting, these cases can crop up more and more where you and your woman don’ t really sync up with eachother on the desire spectrum and therefore you keep missing the beat to go at it when you’re both in the mood.  Such is life, and such is relationships!

But yes, ladies if you are reading this, it’s not just your guy, and no, he’s most likely not falling out of love with you, but most men do have to be stimulated or be in the mood in the first place to engage in sexual intercourse with you.  you could be a supermodel, and this is still the case with most men, so it’s not you, it’s us.  Of course, there are tons of great libido enhancers that you can use to get us in the mood, so make sure you have your little bag of sexy tricks stuffed with those my friends!

Absence Makes the Libido Skyrocket

You’ve undoubtedly heard the cute little saying that “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, and you’ve also most likely experienced this at some point in your life, whether it be with a partner or spouse, or a family member or friend.  It’s a popular saying because it’s absolutely true.  How often have you been away from your sexual partner or spouse for a week or more and returned only to be mad for eachother in the bedroom and allover eachother for the next few days?  Of course, it does eventually wear off once you leave the toilet seat up and she starts to point out that you forgot to vacuum or you forgot to take out the trash for the umpteenth time, but you get my drift.

Not only do men and women build up a sexual desire quickly when they are used to having sexual intercourse or some other form of sexual intimacy quite often when they are in a relationship, but they also tend to look through rose colored glasses at their partner when they are not around, which creates chemical responses in the body that are akin to the same kind that occurred when you first fell in love.  Actually, there is a specific molecule that is found in the body during the first several months of falling in love that is dubbed the love molecule because it dissipates over time, but can actually reappear when couples go through their second honeymoon phase, third, fourth and so on and so forth.

I’ve experienced this many times with my fiancee.  It’s almost like when we’re apart for a week or even a few days, you see them and they look somewhat different – usually as in hot!  And then you have this sort of nervous tension for a bit because you’re not used to seeing eachother.  It all brings about memories and the fondness of when you first started seeing eachother and had sex all the time and couldn’t keep your hands off one another, ya know?  At any rate, if you are having problems or you feel like your relationship could use a little electric infusion, maybe you should try spending a bit of time apart. It truly does wonders for the libido – and your mutual appreciation of eachother’s company!

Is Asparagus a Natural Aphrodisiac?

When I read that there is folklore that asparagus, my absolute favorite vegetable, was an aphrodisiac, I thought, oh well, all that much more reason to love it!  The funny thing too is that I had just gotten back from the grocery store and picked up six bags of Hanover farms asparagus tips excitedly because they were on sale for about fifty cents less per bag than what they usually are.  By the way, if you can get asparagus fresh, do it now.

It’s in season right now and all the local farms are harvesting it, and it really is an amazing difference how much better it tastes when it’s fresh.  You can just throw it on the grils and brush it with some olive oil when it’s fresh and you’re good to go.

So, what’s the one thing that everyone does know about asparagus?  Well, there’s that dubious distinction asparagus has for making your pee smell like sewage.  Of course, that one always makes everyone laugh, but most people have never heard that this delicate veggie can also rev them up for the bedroom.  And why is it that asparagus is a supposed aphrodisiac for women and men exactly?

I mean, other than it’s somewhat phalic shape getting women in a frenzy a little and acting as a specific female sexual enhancement booster, I don’t see any immediate answers jumping out at me, so I decided to go searching a little to find some answers why this green veggie may give you a little more oomph in the bedroom, or at least the desire to get you there.  However, there are some natural chemical properties that make asparagus a contender for one of the better (and better tasting I might add) options to naturally boost your libido.

Here’s the vitamin that asparagus contains a lot of that you can get your sexual kick from.  It’s vitamin E, believe it or not . Vitamin E wasn’t the first thing that came to my mind when I thought of reasons why asparagus might be a great natural aphrodisiac though, to be honest.  I thought it would be something that increased blood flow.  But what vitamin E does do is encourage the production and output of sex hormones, which instantly increases the sex drive.  Hence, the more asparagus you eat, the more randy you might feel after dinner.  Just ignore your stinky urine and enjoy what it can do for your love life!

Does Libido Drop with the Temperature?

Usually it’s confusing to consider whether one’s libido might go up or down in the winter time and colder climates.  Some conventional thought might be that when couples are all closed up together, it stokes the fires of romance, passion and lust, and others think that spring time is still the instinctual “mating time” for women and men.  I tend to agree with that thought, and it holds true for me personally in my sex life as well.  In the winter, my libido is pretty much lower, not gone or anything like that, but noticeably tempered.

It could be because we all tend to gain weight and not look as good – no tan, no exercise as we usually get more of in the summer, or it could also be because it’s just too darn cold for us to take our clothes off and get all hot and bothered – when we’re cold our first instinct is to stay warm, not to shed those clothes that keep us so warm for a little nookie time.

This makes it hard (no pun intended), to have a long, meaningful tryst with your partner since women especially are sensitive to the cold and body image and they may not feel so sexy when they might have put on a few in the winter and also have no color, unless they are ones that go tanning year round.

To help build the libido back up, you could install a home sauna in your home basement, that might help “warm things up a bit” if you know what I mean.  You could also go to a tanning salon and get a tan in the nice warm booths – this could simulate summer time for you and help stoke the fires of passion again.  Or you could simply go on a warm, tropical vacation with your loved one.  Not only are all stresses forgotten about on vacations, but we also tend to feel less inhibited sexually – and yes, much much warmer!

Sex Addiction in the Headlines with David Duchovny Entering Treatment

David Duchovny, a personal favorite of mine since I’m sort of a dork and LOVED the X Files show (not so much a fan of this latest movie, but oh well), so when I read that he was the most recent star to enter rehab, and what it was for, I was a little bummed.  I thought, here is a guy who has had some moderate success in Hollywood and seems to have a solid relationship with his wife Tea Leoni, a beautiful and intelligent women who gives off a strong vibe as being very independent and also “cool”, and now he’s coming out and saying that he has a sex addiction problem?

Not that it’s changed my opinion of him professionally.  I think in fact that he’s a talented actor and he’s even a very funny guy from what I’ve seen of him in outtakes and also just in interviews, etc.  He just seemed authentic – the kind of guy you’d like to go get a few beers with and shoot the breeze with. 

The first reports were that he had not stepped out and had an affair or affairs on his wife, but this was in fact a treatment for sex addiction which involved addiction to porn, specifically online porn and chat rooms.  As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, now there are reports surfacing, whether true or false who knows, that in fact it was because he had numerous affairs in the marriage and his wife gave him an ultimatum to either seek treatment for his addiction to sex or get the f out.

Interestingly enough, David stars in an HBO series that is just gaining some popularity called Californication, about a guy (him) who is struggling with sex addiction himself, although at this point he’s more like a male whore instead of a guy who is really struggling with something he can’t control.  Speculation at first by my significant other was that this whole thing may have been a publicity stunt for his new show because of the obvious parallels, but it became apparent that this was actually a real news story, and I thought that someone wouldn’t make up this embarrassment to his family for a publicity stunt if he had any sense of integrity (I hope!)

At any rate, sex addiction is supposedly a real phenomena.  I still wonder though if it’s not just a convenient label for people who can’t control themselves and find they have to go outside of relationships to get more sex. 

Libido Enhancer : Compliments!

As I watch lots of old couples get on famously, and er, not so famously, as in those ones that seem to constantly pick eachother apart and insult eachother in front of others or try to bring the other guy  down, I always wonder to myself, gosh if they act this way to eachother day in and day out, how do they ever want to have sex with eachother? 

So, I tried a little experiment, I’ve been with my girlfriend now for several years, we are not married, but sometimes we can bicker as though we are, and you can tell we are a “seasoned” couple by the way we interact with eachother.  We treat eachother very well, but there always comes a time in any relationship where the honeymoon is over and people start acting like, well, themselves. 

They start farting in front of eachother, letting eachother know what they really think of that awful morning breath, and heck, sometimes the gloves even come off and the insults start to fly, hopefully only to made up for later with a great session of sex of making out, if there is such a thing after you’ve been with someone that long.  My little experiment involved making a point of it to complement my partner every day, with one sincere, heartfelt compliment, and not withholding it like I might usually. 

Something like “I love when you do that”, or “you make me laugh”, or “you look beautiful today”.  Something that is meaningful and truthful, that you seem to just stop saying to the people you love for no good reason, when that “honeymoon” period is over.  And guess what?  The compliments made our sex life better.  I found that my partner was more willing and ready to jump in bed, felt more romantic and sexy, and also started to compliment me back, which made me feel sexy, wanted, and manly, and wanting to jump her bones. 

You see, men are not just about their penis and no feelings – they are moved by the same things women are, it’s just that women tend to hold grudges for things more than men and happen to take their grudges out in the bedroom by being unwilling for sexual intercourse, or not very enthused.  Bottom line is, you should be nice to and compliment your partner if you want a long lasting and satisfying sex life and years to come with a meaningful relationship and gratifying sex.  Then, who needs Viagra or Viagra alternatives when you have your very own natural libido enhancer for men?

Is the Economy Affecting Your Sex Life?

Well, it may sound silly, but times of economic woes, such as the recession we’ve found ourselves smack dab in the middle of as of late, can definitely interfere with people’s sex drives.  Especially for those of us who have been directly affected by the recession and deepening economic problems that venture deeply into jobless rates, gas prices, and housing problems, bad economies, and hence horrible expenses at home, piled on with other financial pressure, has an effect on us in the bedroom.

You see, psychologically being pushed away from your libido is not just a woman’s problem.  It is also a man’s, and men who need help with libido are often looked at for more physical problems rather than mental, when the shift lately may be more to the mental side for men in trying economic times and times when money is important to keep up with the  new technology and other things technology has brought, and made life more expensive.

It’s amazing if you think about it, how much money a family needs just to stay afloat now compared to just a few decades ago, when women could more comfortably be stay at home mothers without having to worry about bringing home the bacon also (I know this sounds stereotypical of me, but believe me, it serves a purpose).

Heck, we just purchased a home together, and the strains it has put on us both emotionally and financially at times may be enough for one person to suffer a nervous breakdown.  And trust me, the last thing you feel like doing after a long and hard day’s work out in the yard or doing some other sort of strenuous housework has an effect on the male libido – it doesn’t matter what sex you are. 

Economic hard times do come and go, and this is just cyclical, although it may be deeper than the brief recessions we’ve been accustomed to since the Great Depression, but we will rebound like we always do, so try not to let it put your sex life in the dumper for too long.  Money’s just not worth worrying yourself to death over. 

Spring Love Is In the Air

Wow, you can really tell it’s spring time.  It’s just got that quality about it, where you can almost feel the sexual excitement in the air.  Even if you are in a happy relationship, you take on a whole new sensual self when the weather starts to warm, and it seems sometimes you want to tackle your partner because it’s in the air…literally you feel like love is in the air, and this is what we were all created for, and that we should be spending our time touching, feeling and exploring our partners, or for some, going out and looking for new partners if they are not attached.

Of course, then reality creeps into the picture, and the time factor sort of gets in the way of the exploring thing, or time constraints, kids, and other issues crop up that make us more inhibited sexually again, but alas, there is no denying that spring and warmer weather stirs something instinctual in all of us.  It is indeed the time when most mammals mate, so it is no coincidence that humans (yes, we’re mammals, remember?) feel a little frisky around this time of year as well.

It’s the time when, embarrassingly, you see lots of guys acting like idiots and hanging out of windows or slowing down to look at pretty women and yelling out, it’s a time of sexual freedom, and yes, even idiots explore it, just in a tacky, not so sophisticated way!  Although there are some guys out there that ruin it for the rest of us by acting it out, we can’t deny that summer does bring about the keenness more, in noticing women who are attractive. 

It may be that clothes are a little bit sexier in the spring, including for men who tend to wear less clothes in the summer, but I still go back to that basic instinct that we all have of subconsciously wanting to mate when the weather gets warmer, of feeling the need to sexually express ourselves and bask in the excitement of raw unbridled sex. 

Why do you think couples like to go tropical destinations in the winter for their vacations?  The warm weather, and yes the fact that they are on vacation enters in, but it is the warm weather that brings the “animal” out in all of us. 

Aprhodisiac with Toad Venom Causes Death

A banned aphrodisiac that is sold quietly in head shops and sex shops, has caused a death in a 35 year old man, and it may be that the hunt for this natural aphrodisiac is on again by the FDA since it is obviously still being used or may still be available in certain spots for men to use.  However, one issue that is making it harder for enforcers to identify to take it off the shelves is that fact that the product is sold under several different names, including Piedra, Love Stone, Black Stone and Chinese Rock and Jamaican Stone.

The “natural” male enhancement product, which is sold in a solid form and purports to act as a natural aphrodisiac by being rubbed on the skin, is a  solidified mass which contains toad venom, the culprit in the health problems most likely.  It was outlawed when the FDA discovered it was linked with other males deaths and severe health complications. 

The most recent man who died from the toad venom aprhodisiac, it is said, had ingested the product, rather than rubbed it on his skin as indicated, however officials are careful to note that this product was banned for a reason, and it is not safe to use in any way, shape or form, whether taken by mouth or rubbed on the skin. 

A chemical byproduct of the toad venom derived aphrodisiac apparently interrupts the heart rhythm.  The 35 year old man who died was complaining of abdominal pain as well as chest pain when admitted to a hospital, however nothing could be done to save him, and it sounds as though he died of heart complications. 

Although the warning against this dangerous male enhancement product was issued for New York City, where the latest problem occurred, the FDA wants all men to know that if they have a product that is in solid form that is in any way suspect of being this one, do not take it.  It could literally mean the difference between life and death. 

Sex, Libido and Busy Couples

There was an interesting column which I frequently read where people, men and women, will write in about their sexual problems with their partners, or if they are partner-less, they write in about their problems that have to do with sex in general.  Not only does this open up a whole new world of what sexual issues and frustrations other people deal with for me, but it also makes me realize that lots of “normal” couples and people experience the same things that I have experienced at one time or another so it’s a nice normalizing feeling to discover that you’re not the only one who may need natural libido help, or not be able to orgasm every time you have sexual relations. 

Speaking as a woman (guest writer here), I can say that I can identify with the woman in this one, who says that she feels like she is too busy and stressed out from her day’s work to have sexual intercourse with her husband, and that when he feels sexually aroused when he gets home from work and expects her to just give him sex to satisfy his penis.  Here’s where men and women can differ sometimes in their views on sex, and on their basic physiological differences when it comes to sexual needs and intimacy needs.

Women often put sex on the back burner, especially after they’ve had children, and in this case the couple had a 2 year old child together.  Not only that, there is scientifically documented evidence that woman’s libido goes down after having children, it’s just nature (I know, nature can be very cruel, right?)  It’s kind of like one of those last posts where we talked about nature making you extremely amorous when you’re ovulating, and making you more appealing to men when you are most likely to conceive, once you’ve conceived it’s like nature’s “done with you” in a way – they’ve already gotten a child outta ya! 

I thought this particular situation with a woman thinking her husband was being unfair was two fold.  First of all, women have to realize, men are biologically driven to seek out sex, they need to ejaculate on a regular basis, this has been shown to be true to help with stress and testosterone levels which lead to agression in men, and I’m not saying women don’t need it to, it’s just that we’re wired a little differently where we can go longer without it.  It may be our way of protecting ourselves from being pregnant 24/7, before the days of this awesome thing we call birth control today.

Women should be able to understand that, and if they feel like they are totally undersexed, then discuss the fact with their husbands, maybe take one of these fun new female sexual enhancement products, and maybe also take steps so that work isn’t eating up their lives and stressing them out so much – an automatic libido buster.  Also, there may be other things in the relationship that are creating the symptom of her low libido.  Perhaps resentment of some sort, a loss of attraction to her partner?  These issues should all be addressed too, as I believe many times when one partner loses interest in sex, it’s a symptom of bigger problems than just “being busy”.  That’s just my take. 

Guys should also be more patient, when a women says she’s not in the mood, don’t press the issue, but instead maybe try to get to the heart of the issue and be able to discuss openly their sexual needs and why they feel like they are being “shut out” in a sense.  Relationships go both ways, and men and women are definitely like Mars and Venus as the famous book claims, but if we can keep an open dialogue and our love for eachother keeps an open mind and an accomodating air about it, anything’s possible.