Here Nor There

What’s Up with Hollywood Men Lately?

Hello everyone, Jill here, for my random commentary on a common theme that seems to be increasingly publicized for men in the public eye – aka men either in the business of Hollywood show biz, or linked to it in some fashion. I’ve gotta say, the world of “Hollyweird” really has me thankful that I don’t live there and never had any desire to be involved in show business in any way, shape or form.

Honestly,  it’s all just too phony and high pressure for me, and there are few stars that can resist it’s temptations and multiple missteps of going down the wrong path. Too many spiral down into a path of self involved, dangerous behavior that has no regard for others. In short, Hollywood is the home to a lot of narcissism and shallow behavior in my opinion.

There have been far too many stories in the media lately about Hollywood men and women breaking up their relationships by engaging in selfish behavior, acting out in general against women (thanks Mel Gibson for messing up your image, I always thought you seemed like a nice guy), and engaging in sexual harrassment (the star that is accused of this shall remain unnamed, but it’s a shock, even though most of us know nothing of his persona since he’s not Hollywood “A” list).

I mean really, also there’s all these sports stars who are getting busted for offensive sexual behavior, hurting their families (sadly, many of them have families to hurt).  Let me just name a few of those sports star scandals and I’m sure you can put a name to them. One younger football star has been accused multiple times of rape, but that’s since been hushed up although I’m not sure why.

Another was accused of soliciting a very young prostitute (he’s married). Another sports star was accused of rape and since acquitted.  I mean, where is this all going to end?  It seems like the increasingly “me” attitude has really taken it’s toll on not only the values of a world past, but especially in the world of the over priveleged and overpaid worlds of professional sports and entertainment.

AIDS Prevention Gel

Apparently there is a new sexual gel that has proven to be an effective deterrent against the AIDS virus.  It is a gel that is put in a woman’s vagina as protection against getting HIV from an infected sexual partner, and thus far has had very nice results. It supposedly cuts the risk of actually contracting the HIV virus which causes AIDS by about 50% than without any gel at all.  That’s pretty impressive!

The study was done in South Africa. Africa, as you know, has really struggled with the AIDS epidemic now for years, and they are struggling every day to find new ways to prevent the disease and educate their citizens on how to protect themselves. One challenge is women who’s partners refuse to wear condoms. Of course, as you know, condoms provide the best known sexual protection against AIDS other than abstenance, which unfortunately just isn’t very practical in today’s world.

The gel is made with a microbicide in it, which means that it has the ability to kill viruses.  It actually was found to be effective at killing the AIDS virus when it came into contact, hence it’s protective nature when it is used in the vagina.

The gel, which also has an anti AIDS drug in it, also protects against the human papilloma virus, which is the precursor to genital warts and also thought to be the precursor to cervical cancer and abnormal cell growth (precancerous cells) on the cervical wall.

This could really be a great thing for the African nations, which have struggled to get the AIDS epidemic under control as it could give women the option to protect themselves against getting AIDS.

Why Did the Bill and Lorena True Blood Sex Scene Bother So Many?

I don’t know if you’re a fan of the True Blood vampire series on HBO. Well, now make it the True Blood vampire, werewolf and shape shifter and all kinds of other supernatural beings series I suppose, because they have far surpassed the vamps only now.  I began watching this series with my wife from the moment it came out three years ago now, and we both really enjoyed the first season. It had everything we liked, good looking characters, some kind of hot, albeit weird sex scenes, and good acting.

Then along came the second season, which totally sucked – and no I’m not trying to make a pun because the show is about vampires. It really, really sucked. The story lines became totally preposterous, and even your favorite characters began to grate on your nerves. It was like even the actors thought the story lines were totally stupid or something.

Well, season three of True Blood so far has started out a little more promising than the last. This season, we’re getting into werewolves too, some of which my wife thinks are pretty good looking, and I have my fair share of female eye candy too to feast on, so it’s ok.  The third episode in the season though, had some tongues wagging about how bizarre and utterly grotesque it was.   It got me thinking, what is the line between sensual eroticism on screen and just plain gross out sex?

Well, I think that this sex scene between Lorena, Bill’s maker whom he now hates but can’t seem to get away from, definitely tested those bounds. One, the women will hate it because he had sex with her and he’s supposed to be betrothed to his beloved Sookie (who by the way is becoming more annoying as the seasons pass for some reason, but I think that she’s just playing that part of her character up).  Men may not like it either, because well, it just wasn’t “hot”.

What happened was a heat of the moment rough sex interlude between these two, with their clothes on, you didn’t even see Bill’s ass which you usually do when he does his sex scenes, and you saw no boobs on Lorena either.  Basically he twists Lorena’s head around so that it’s facing the floor (I guess vampires are totally flexible that way), with blood dripping out of her mouth in ecstasy. Bill screams after it’s over, and they cut to black.

We were kinda grossed out. Not an ounce of gratification from that sex scene!

Dennis Hopper, Dead at Age 74 of Prostate Cancer

Dennis Hopper, legendary actor in some film classics that we all know and love, and more recently the star or costar of several hit movies, has died of prostate cancer. Dennis has been battling the disease now for a few years, and finally started to get really thin and frail in the last several months of his life, drawing attention to his disease. He also had an unfortunate struggle with his now ex wife over money, which I’m sure didn’t help him any in his quest for peace in fighting his disease.

So many men die of prostate cancer every year, it’s imperative that you are taking good care of your body,and therefore your prostate, and you make it last in a healthy state for as long as you  can. There are ways you can enhance your lifestyle through diet exercise, and food choices (lots of fruits, veggies) that help you to maintain healthy organs including your prostate.  Our hearts go out to Dennis Hopper’s family during this hard time, and Dennis, we will always treasure your movies!

Birth Control Pill Turns Fifty Years Old!

Hey guys, Jill here again doing a guest piece on female birth control.  Can you believe that the birth control pill is now a grand 50 years old? And I can’t figure out what the heck we did before it, besides a lot of pulling out and praying, right? And let’s be frank here guys, not all guys are good at pulling out at the right time, or at pulling out at all.

Some men actually experience a little bit of pain and lack of sexual satisfaction or completion if they pull out their penis as they are ejaculating. The other problem is, that while pulling out when ejaculating is better than no birth control at all, it still is not a 100% fullproof way to prevent pregnancy.

There is still some “pre ejaculate” that oozes out during the sexual experiences. While it may not have sperm in it, or barely enough to even try to swim to meet the egg, there is still a chance that it has some in it, and can get your partner pregnant. Then again, there are some people who have used pulling out before ejaculation as their method for years and have not gotten pregnant. It probably is a combination of blind luck and skill at pulling out at the right time. Remember, it only takes one strong swimmer to result in a pregnancy!

Then along came the good ol’ birth control pill, fifty years ago. The archaic form of birth control that first came out actually was quite ridden with side effects, from water weight gain to moodiness. But since then, it has been perfected and re-perfected into various formulas, including the one I’m on personally is a low dose pill, which gives very low doses of the female hormone estrogen and other types of this female hormone as well to prevent pregnancy.

The advent of the pill really caused somewhat of a sexual revolution for women, because they didn’t have to constantly fret about getting pregnant, and could really let go and have sex all they wanted without having to worry about whether baby number five hundred was going to come along. Let’s face it, families were much bigger on average back then, and we know why!

I know for me, what the pill means is the power of choice. I’m not sure that my husband and I ever want to have children, and the pill allows me to make sure that choice remains in the fold.  Plus, I have to admit, for all the complaining I do about being on the pill, I do like that I know when my periods are coming, and that I’m pretty sure, at least 99% that I’m not going to get pregnant from having sex.  It’s a good feeling overall….

Havings Kids and Your Sex Life : How Do They Mesh?

My wife and I have decided that we most likely will not have children. We are both in our thirties, and we made this decision a while ago. It’s not that we don’t like kids, in fact, I quite enjoy being around them and I love the ones that are part of my family. I just am not sure because I am a big enough person to admit that there are so many other things in my life that I want to pursue, and I just don’ t know that I could put the right amount of time in with a child to provide a stable, loving and attention drenched life for a child.

Some people look at you like you’re crazy when you say you may not have kids, and my wife gets it a lot worse than I. You wouldn’t think people would ask you about it all the time but they do. I can’t blame them really, they’re just curious. But you also get the ultra judgmental looks and quizzical questions when you say it sometimes too, so we’ve reduced it to only mentioning our feelings if we are specifically pressed.

I think that a lot of people have the misconception that not wanting children makes you selfish, and it’s quite the opposite. I don’t want to have children for selfish reasons, and my biggest reason now would be that I would want someone around when I get older and my family was dying around me.

I also feel personally like in our marriage, kids would put a severe strain on us. I would probably constantly piss my wife off by not doing enough in her eyes, and she even admits this, so we both feel like it wouldn’t be worth giving up our current freewheeling lifestyle (ok, so that does sound s bit selfish).

We also do enjoy having sex whenever we want to. Not that we “do it” all the time now, but it’s nice to have the energy to do it and not feel like you’re being rushed. It’s nice to kind of dote on one another, and I feel like having kids for us would leave a lot of room for us ignoring eachother. I think it’s great the people who can have kids and still keep a healthy, strong and happy marriage, I just don’t think it’s the ideal situation for everyone.

Men Increasingly Claims Sexual Harrassment on Job?

This one really surprised me, because, let’s face it, men are the more “aggressive” between women and men, and also happen to be the most sexually driven of our species, however, that doesn’t mean that men aren’t also allowed to file sexual harassment claims against coworkers or bosses who won’t leave them alone or take no for an answer, in a sexual way.

It also doesn’t mean that men can’t file sexual harassment claims against other men. There are plenty of those as well, where a man is harassing another man and causing him mental duress from the ordeal. The basis behind sexual harassment is that an employee feels threatened or feels that unwelcome, embarrassing and intimidating gestures are made that are sexual in nature at their workplace that they are not comfortable with, nor consensual with.

Apparently this is happening more and more, where men are filing claims, in fact it’s actually just about doubled over the past few years according to statistical data that has been gathered. Now, don’t get me wrong, women are still the main filers of complaints of this nature, and probably always will be, but men are on the increasing rise with these claims. I guess this means that feminism and sexual equality has really been on it’s way up over the past few years.

You could view this as a good or bad thing. Obviously, it’s not a fair thing to have happened to men or women, and both can suffer extreme emotional trauma after dealing with such nonsense on the job, but it’s just a sign of the time, good or bad, that men are increasingly filing these types of claims as well.

Dirty Love Poem

Ok, I don’t know why, but this strikes me as so funny, it just popped in my head.  I’m weird…

From girl to guy:

Your sh@% stinks and your farts smell worse

Your obsession with anal is really perverse

However, when I think of all of the rest, your penis to me, my dear, is still simply the best.

Urban Meyer : Good Example of Work Life Balance Problem

The infamous Florida Gators college football coach Urban Meyer, is the perfect example of why highly motivated men (and yes, women for that matter as well), who have high pressure, but high passion and also very rewarding jobs, often struggle to find a good balance between their work and their personal lives and health. Urban Meyer recently cited his health as the reason that he was going to step down, but then quickly rebounded and said that he may be coming back in August.

Ah, the typical afterthoughts of a self confessed workaholic.  Hopefully he can handle that, and he is still going to not be selling himself and his family short, but odds are, men who are very highly motivated and used to the pressures and excitement of such a high demand but high payoff job, are often addicted to their work and tend to forget about their health, happiness, and the happiness of their family, who often misses their presence.  While men who are highly motivated are usually great to be around, they also find that they are pulled in a million different directions, and that pressure is often hard on the heart, the blood pressure, and the overall balance and happiness, and peace in their lives.

As a bit of a workaholic myself, I can attest to the damage it can do to your personal life, but I can also attest that it feels incredibly rewarding when all your hard work finally pays off and you just get this overwhelming sense of gratitude for what life has given you, and also an incredible sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. I think that is what most workaholics find to be very addicting, it’s not just the money and attention that comes with success, but it is looking in the mirror and knowing you’ve accomplished your goals and that you are doing what you were meant to do with your life and your God given skills.

Urban Meyer is probably feeling an intense struggle with these issues now, if I had to guess, but like most men who are high achievers, there may be a breaking point where he has to make a decision one way or another, and I’m sure it will be the toughest decision of his life. Not that I know that guy or anything, but I definitely know the type and high achievers often find it difficult to know when enough is enough and they need to give their bodies and their minds a break for their own health’s sake.

Ruling Says Condoms Not Required in Porn

Hmm, I’m not so sure this is a good thing for those involved or not, although I’ve never talked to a porn star personally to see how they feel about the ruling in the first place, whether they like the fact that they are required to wear condoms on set or not.  I’m sure there were some who opted for this safer method anyways, but there are of course also extensive STD tests that most porn makers have to go through as well to make sure their stars are not going to pass an STD on to their costars and perhaps infect others as well beyond the set (of course this isn’t why, I’m just thinking a little outside of the box too).

I had thought that there was a ruling on set of porn films that they had to wear rubbers, but apparently I was wrong, because an AIDS activist group recently campaigned in California to get the county where a few thousand porn stars had come to a clinic with STD’s to force them to wear condoms on set to protect against the spread of AIDS and other STD’s.  They were unsuccessful in their bid though, and a judge ruled that would be too broad of an interpretation over the county’s power to rule over public health.

I suppose that the judge is right in a way. How can you force this to happen when you can’t even enforce what people do in their private lives? Also, if the porn industry is testing their participants regularly, this should be sufficient enough to help deter STD’s from spreading. I almost wonder too if you started forcing porn companies to make their stars wear condoms, would it just create a higher demand and more market for “non condom” porn movies?  Hmm, something to contemplate.

Honestly, I’ve seen porn movies with and without condoms. The condom does take some of the excitement and dirtiness out of it, but it’s still a porn, it’s just dressed up a little differently, so to speak. You’re always going to have people that don’t want to see the male starts wearing rubbers, and that’s just an unfortunate fact. I wonder how the female stars feel about this – if they like it or hate it.  I think if I were a female porn star I’d be happy if the men had to don condoms, it makes me a lot safer then, and I wouldn’t have to worry as much about where they’ve been, so to speak.