Archive for July, 2009

Men Like Loyal Partners

Recently there was a survey conducted by Askmen.com which concluded a few things that might be a little surprising about men and what they are looking for in their potential life partners/wives.  They weren’t all about more sex in every way and sexiness either, breast size, or weight or any of that.  In fact, most of it was nonsexual and also was non appearance related, although “sexiness” did rank up there, which to me mostly means having a sexy attitude and a sex appeal, it’s not all necessarily about just looking sexy, at least that’s the way I took it.

The highest rated attribute men are looking for in potential wife material is apparently “loyalty”, which I take to mean that a woman will not go catting around, seeking the company of other men and will stick solely to her chosen partner (you), so apparently women who cheat or have a wandering eye are a really big turnoff to men. I guess that women who are huge flirts may have a real problem meeting their partner’s expectations then, knowing that most men value loyalty so highly.  Is it because we are all fragile egoed creatures who can’t stand the idea that our ladies might like the attention of other men?  Not really, I think it’s more of a latent desire for monogamy, even though a lot of science shows that men’s chemistry isn’t so conducive to monogomy.  This finding may debunk that though.

Loyalty even was chosen above and beyond other characteristics of a life partner such as caring, sense of humor and intelligence, which are huge on most men’s radar, even though some might also tell ya that some men like dumb women!  I think there are some guys I know that don’t really like women who challenge them intellectually, but for the most part, men do want someone whose intelligence will keep them on their toes and someone they can actually talk to and have stimulating conversations with. After all, that’s what long lasting relationships are built on, is understanding eachother, and intellectual equality is huge in that regard.

Men also tend to say that they would not cheat on a partner that they deemed worthy of them as far as sexual chemistry, values, morals, and sense of things, even if there was not a chance that she would ever find out, something that conflicts with what a lot of the women out there think about men (that we’re all pigs, it’s definitely not true).

Marriage Still an Insitution?

We have a wedding this weekend, which got me thinking.  Is marriage the same instituation that it was, say, fifty years ago, a hundred years ago?  The idea is still supposed to be same, “til death do us part”, but the divorce rate says otherwise, and the idea that marriages these days seem almost disposable kind of disgraces the institution, but hey, we would rather be able to get out of a marriage that turned sour and makes us miserable, rather than staying in something that is not right, or that is actually bad for our mental health.  Divorce can be a good thing, but in my opinion, people jump into marriages these days without really considering the give and take, the sacrifice, and the patience that goes into it when you really truly and deeply love someone and are in it til the “end”.

Another thing that got me thinking about marriage is the fact that a dear family member of mine is dying right now, of prostate cancer.  Just seeing what this terrible disease has done to his body and mind is disheartening, but his girlfriend of several years, mind you they never got married, has been taking care of him right up until the end.  And it hasn’t been easy.  Sure, they’ve had their ups and downs over the years, but what struck me is that she said it’s really shown her what love is.

Marriage is still an institution that a lot of people believe in according to polls, and according the statistics that say that almost 86% of women marry by the time they are forty years old, women still believe that getting married is the right thing for them.  However, this paradigm that women need to get married for security or to avoid “old maid” status is really shifting, and especially with Hollywood being somewhat of a bellwether for the rest of the world, many women are staying single for as long as they can, enjoying indepdendence and freedom before starting a family or a life with a husband.

Sex hasn’t really altered the status of marriage as a desirable institution.  Although our sex lives have become more open and less inhibited, marriage still continues to be a tradition, and with that monogomy follows suit, at least for most people we hope.  Sexual boredom doesn’t have to be a reality in marriage.  Of course, the occasional lull in sexual activity is to be expected in any marriage or relationship, after all, we are all not just sexual nonstop energetic robots. We’re people, and we get turned on and off by certain things, and this changes over time.

Factors That Predict Relationship Endurance

Well, a study has been done to help determine what the common denominators are in relationships that do and do not last, and why they do or do not last.  And guess what?  One of them is actually not the frequency or quality of sex, although that is not what this study focused on, nor did it focus on love.  It mostly focused on random and external factors such as finances, smoking habits, kids, previous marriages and relationship experiences, and things like that.  So, although you know we’re big advocates of great sex at any age with your partner, that’s not really what came out of this study.

One of the factors that increased the likelihood that partners would divorce or separates was whether this was their second marriage or not.  If it was more than one for one partner, the likelihood of divorce was greater.  Also, the age of the male in the relationship seems to work in both ways.  If a guy is older by his spouse by nine years or more, relationships tend to fizzle more easily.  Conversely, if a guy marries before he turns 25 (which I personally think is too young for men, but that’s just my opinion, some men actually are emotionally mature enough to marry by that age), the relationship is less likely to end happily.

Another factor, believe it or not, was whether one partner smoked and the other did not.  Divorce and separation were more likely in marriages where one spouse was a cigarette smoker and the other was not.  I totally get this, because my parents fought tooth and nail about my mom’s smoking habit. My dad was never a smoker, and he couldn’t understand how my mom had the habit which he thought was dirty. Although there were tons of other reasons why that particular marriage went up in smoke (no pun intended), but they did end the marriage in divorce after almost twenty years of matrimony.

Finances are a factor, of course, which is something we all pretty much know already.  We’d like to believe that marriages built on a strong foundation of love are made to last and nothing can get in the way of that, but the sad truth is that finance burdens are one of the number one arguments and points of contention in households across the US.  Especially when the husband is unemployed, and the wife is working.  So, right now with economy the way it is, there has got to be long lines at the marriage counselor’s doors.

Making Anal Sex Easier for Women

Although some still consider the naughty and sexually erotic ritual of anal sex to be somewhat of a taboo and even a fetish, there are many women who say that although they initially found anal sex uncomfortable, they now enjoy it.  However, as with anything else, it should probably be kept to a minimum since the anus is really not meant for large objects to be shoved in, and of course there could be some irritation involved if it’s not done the right way, or if it’s overdone.  That’s something to keep in mind maybe if you’ve just started dabbling in this kinky form of sexual enjoyment.

It may not be for everybody, but there are certainly people that say they enjoy engaging in it every once in a while, for a change of pace.  I do think there’s something forbidden about it, as most men consider it to be a kinky variation of traditional sex, and truth be told, most men are turned on by the occasional prospect of their partner being “into” anal sexual intercourse.  Maybe some may not own up to it, but trust me, there is something about it that has an allure to men.

Here are some tips to making anal sex more comfortable for women that will definitely help with first, second and third experiences to relax the muscles and prevent any sort of injury and minimize discomfort.  First, it is vital that you breathe slowly.  If you don’t inhale and exhale in long, controlled bursts, then your muscles are more likely to contract and the feeling of anal sex is more likely to be uncomfortable since the muscles are clenched and the friction becomes more noticeable.  Start very slow.  Do not allow your partners penis to go much furth than an inch in at first.  Once you feel it is in, then breathe slowly, and you will feel it open up more and begin to take more of the penis in.

Make sure you are in a comfortable position where you are not too clenched up and your muscles can relax as much as possible.  If need be, use a gentle lubricant such as KY jelly or some other form of lubricant.  There is a gel called Anal Ease, which I believe also contains a numbing agent to make the penetration easier and more comfortable, but I’ve never had any experience with it.  All in all, you cannot go all the way the first time, or even the second time, this has to be a slow, building process to get you to where you can actually enjoy it without the discomfort and possible injury that comes along with it.

Why Orgasms are Hard for Some Women

Achieving full on, oh my God, head spinning orgasms, is difficult for a lot of women.  It can be difficult for some guys to achieve this level of sexual peak, but it’s often much harder for women to achieve, due to a variety of factors, including physiological ones that have to do with how a woman’s sexual anatomy is set up, and also because a lot of psychological reasons go into a woman sexually climaxing, where for men it’s more of a function of physiology that makes us climax more easily with each sexual intercourse encounter.

You often probably hear women say they think they need female sexual enhancement products of some sort, maybe like a female version of viagra, because they don’t feel that they orgasm often enough or that they have a hard time achieving that orgasm due to limitations.  Tons of women have the same complaint, and that is, that they seem to feel the building of an orgasm, and it almost feels like the big orgasm is going to come, but then somehow, they lose it, and it’s almost like starting over, and they many times become discouraged and don’t even get into the sex again enough to orgasm, so often times, they leave the sexual experience without being totally satisfied whereas their partner may be totally satisfied with their orgasm experience.

An orgasm, for women, is like a series of pulsations in the vagina that also include an engorging of the vagina thanks to new blood flow due to sexual excitement down there, much like a man’s penis fills with blood when he gets sexually turned on.  Her breathing quickens, her breasts may even swell a bit, and a sense of euphoria hits just as the “release” feeling of the orgasm hits.  Many women may even lose control a bit, their toes curling, their mind temporarily blank, which is the ultimate release and a reason why men and women alike benefit from sex because it is a major stress reliever, making you forget all of your problems.

Many times the fact that a woman can build and build and feel like she’s going to experience that ultimate release that’s called an orgasm, and then find that they suddenly lost the feeling, has to do with her emotions in some way.  Perhaps she lost focus, or it could also be a range of other psychological issues, which it mostly ends up being rather than an actual physical problem, since women closely link their emotions to sexual enjoyment.

The recommendation for women who experience this is to let go of all your sexual inhibitions, and perhaps any body image issues you may have the prevent you from fully enjoying sex.  Some women even experience a general guilt feeling about having sex, and this has to be dropped if you are to enjoy the wonderful, God given pleasure of the female orgasm.

Want some Coffee with that Viagra?

Well, we’ve heard about a lot of so called herbal supplements for male enhancement being revealed as nothing more than thin diguises for prescription hidden drugs in the ingredient list (of course, not openly listed on the label, so of course this is a total no-no according to the FDA, which is more than right in their view on this), but now I think I’ve heard it all.  Of course I haven’t, and some other wild stories will pop up next week, I’m sure, but you know what I mean.

Multiple herbal formulas have been booted from the market over the past few years due to the fact that they contained prescription male enhancement and impotence drugs such as Viagra and Levitra, so it’s definitely lended itself to some doubts about the herbal industry, but a few bad apples shouldn’t spoil the bunch since most of them do play by the rules and only infused their formulas with herbs and natural ingredients, many of which mimic the effects of prescription drugs, just in a milder, and supposedly safer way.

Recently, in Maylasia, at least not in the United States, almost 1,000 boxes of coffee that authorities say are laced with the male impotence drug Viagra were taken away in a raid.  The coffee was sold as an energy enahncing drink and performance enhancer.  It was basically marketed as a booster for energy levels, with an added “benefit” for men, which slyly disguised what they were trying to say, but still got the message out that men may experience a side benefit of enhanced sexual performance if they were to imbibe the darkly roasted coffee laced with sildenafil, the active ingredient in Viagra.

The coffee was sold at a premium too.  It retailed for almost five times the price range of regular coffee without all the added stuff.  Wonder how they go caught?  Perhaps someone noticed that the stuff had other side effects and reported them.  You never know how these guys actually get caught, but most of the time I’m willing to bet it’s sort of by mistake, that someone experiences negative side effects and symptoms and it’s discovered accidentally that they have a drug they are not known to be taking in their system.  That’s just my take!

Man Injured After Self Circumcision

Well, this is right up there with some of the dumbest stunts to ever make the national news.  A guy in England has been hospitalized and was seriously injured on his penis after he tried to self circumcise with the help of a pair of nail clippers.  I know, sounds painful, right?  Apparently staff said that this would be incredibly painful, even if you had quite a few alcoholic drinks in you, which leads me to believe this man may have been intoxicated when he tried it.  One things for sure, if he was trying to avoid a doctor bill by doing it himself, now he’s got more doctors bills than he can deal with I’m sure, since this kind of injury had to have taken some medications and probably even surgery to fix up.

The news is ablaze with stories like this, men trying to circumcise themselves, or sexually marring themselves or their partners in some way when trying some bizarre sexual stunt.  The safe thing is to say not to do anything out of the ordinary sexually or while not under a doctors care if you’re trying to alter yourself in any way when it comes to your reproductive organs.  Sounds like a pretty safe way to play, right?

In other news of the weird when it comes to men parts, doctors are accused of giving the wrong patient a vasectomy.  The man, in Sweden, has filed a complaint saying that the medical facility confused him with another patient that was schedule to have a vasectomy the next day and instead performed the surgery on him, making him infertile and unable to produce a  child if he wanted to, when all he went in for was a biopsy of his prostate gland, which is a common procedure when checking for cancer and other disorders associated with this male specific gland.

Like I said, news like this seems to come in rashes, and it goes to show that the medical community is capable of screwing up, but people are probably way better at screwing their own bodies up, leaving doctors and nurses to clean up the mess. An  ode to the doctors and nurses that keep us healthy and mend our bodies after we do things with them and to them that aren’t too smart!

Sex Once a Day Makes for Healthy Sperm

Those couples who are trying to conceive a baby may want to take note of some news that comes out of a study done by a prominent fertility clinic, which points strongly to evidence that having sex every single day actually creates stronger sperm, and may even improve sperm count.  It used to be debated that men should wait a few days before having sex again when they and their partner are trying to get pregnant, sort of due to this notion that the sperm “get stronger and replenish” when the reproduction systme is given a break of a few days, but now evidence shows the opposite, that in fact having sex every day helps to improve the sperm, and therefore the chances of impregnation.

They go further to say that couples trying to have a baby should have sex every day leading up to the woman’s ovulation period, so that they can be sure those sperm are nice and healthy good swimmers to get to the egg and fertilize it, creating an embryo, and then a bouncin’ baby boy or girl.  This is good news for those guys with huge sexual appetites – and lots of time on their hands to boot, but what about guys who need help with their libido, and don’t think that they have the time or energy to devote to sex daily?

Well, there are of course prescription meds like Cialis, Viagra and Levitra that can help get a guy in the mood in a jiffy and on demand, but who wants to pop these medications every day?  The logic here is that the guy will get used to it and build endurance, and actually having more sex leads to more sexual desire, when you would think it might be the other way around, the abstinence creates more desire.  Abstinence is in fact, not the answer if you’re trying to conceive.

Here’s the theory behind frequent sex and sperm health.  And it actually makes sense!  The idea is that if you have sex every day and ejaculate every day, then your sperm are less exposed to damaging elements, and therefore are able to remain healthier. When you go even a few days without sex and without ejaculating, then your sperm is exposed to cell damage and they die off and are weakened.  So, basically you’re dealing with brand new, ready to swim sperm when you ejaculate every day, and those are the kind of sperm that are going to be willing, ready and eager to impregnate your partner when they do finally reach her egg!

Is Faking an Orgasm a Bad Thing?

Although many women admit to regularly faking orgasms so that their partners think they’ve had one (to spare their feelings, or perhaps in an unselfish way to make sure they have their orgasm without feeling bad that she hasn’t had hers), there is some debate over whether that’s actually a good thing for the woman and her partner, especially the woman, because it’s not really an honest reaction to sex and may mislead their partner into thinking he’s doing the right things to get her to “go” and he’s not, furthering sexual tension and frustration down the line if she’s consistently not getting what she needs to reach sexual peak.

Some experts recommend that a woman or a man for that matter, do not fake orgasms routinely, as this creates a false sense of satisfaction, and in fact may become the norm for her to do it all the time even when she isn’t truly satisfied, or the guy isn’t truly satisfied, creating a sort of vicious cycle of dissatisfaction and false “positives” for the couple, without them truly learning what they need to do to bring eachother to climax when they have sexual intercourse or other types of sexual relations.

There are excellent female sexual enhancers that may help your partner to achieve orgasm more easily, and that may also get the dialogue going on whether the two of you are truly orgasming as often as you feel you need to when having intercourse.  And that thing in the movies where the partners both have their climax at the same time?  Um, that’s total fantasy and that rarely ever happens in the real beds of American men and women, yes, that even goes so for the most beautiful people out there like the actors and actresses that portray those perfectly orchestrated sex scenes that give us all sexual envy for no good honest reason.

It’s stuff like that in movies and pornos that get all of us thinking that our sex should look and feel like it does on the screen, and it’s totally unrealistic because both parties are acting and in fact they may be totally uncomfortable and/or not enjoying themselves at all, much less able to have a perfectly unified orgasm for goodness sake.  We all know how wonderfully erotic real sex can be, so don’t let that perfectly lit stuff get in the way of you enjoying your own real sexual fantasies.

Do You Have A Sexy Pet Name?

I was never much one for calling names in the bedroom, although I acknowledge that when I have had the occasion to, it does add a little of that desired kinkiness and naughty feel that makes sex so much more fun and all that much more orgasmic.  As with anything novel though, you can’t over use it or it loses it’s power and effectiveness.  Sort of like one of the moves my girlfriend does on me when giving oral sex (I won’t get too graphic about that though here, but use your imagination, it has something to do with the male genitalia that hangs by two in the middle of the legs though, there’s a hint).

No matter what you think of it, lots of long time couples have pet, kinky names for eachother that they use in bed, and it actually can be quite a sexually healthy thing to do.  It can keep things exciting, especially between married couples, and it also establishes a connection, a sort of bond, that you don’t have with anyone else other than your sexual partner, and that makes it feel special and like it’s an intimate thing that only you know about eachother, increasing the sexual bond between the two of you and heightening sexual pleasure and intimacy.

There are so many things you can do like give eachother pet names or utter certain words or phrases that are unique to only you and your lover, that really sexually bond the two of you, and this is one of them.  You just have to make sure it’s something that both of you are comfortable with, and make sure you keep it between the two of you, that makes it feel more special and more secretive.  Some people say that the best part about pet names and other kinky things that they and their partner do enhances that feeling of “I’m not supposed to be doing this” or that it’s morally questionable, which actually increases sexual excitement for many people.