I was reading a very interesting article on a theory of why most men stray in their marriages and/or monogamous relationships to other partners outside of the relationship.  What it told me was something that I really already knew, but it really reinforced this knowledge for me, and because the article was based on a  study done by a marriage counselor on 100 men who were faithful and 100 men who had strayed from their marriage, that made the evidence all that much more concrete since it was based off of men who actually had been there and done that, so to speak.

What it said was really something that not a lot of women may know and probably should know if they want to truly understand their partner.  That is that men generally want acceptance and appreciation, just as much if not more than women do.  The biggest difference and the reason for miscommunication about this basic male need is because women are naturally more communicative creatures than men.  Men tend to just assume that a woman knows that they need to feel appreciated, but women are guilty too because they can’t see many times that their partners need to be told when they are doing something right, or are doing something that really pleases her.

The thing that a lot of women don’t understand is that when men (and it’s been estimated that close to 50% of men stray in their marriages, although no figure was given on women in this particular article) cheat they generally do not cheat because they are looking for sex (although admittedly this can be true in some cases), nor are they looking for partners that are “hotter” than their wives, but rather they are looking for the unconditional acceptance and appreciation that a new woman will offer.

Do you remember when your marriage first started if you are married?  Remember how we all tend to treat the other person like they were royalty, and comment on things when they would do something nice for us, or make them feel special, wanted and appreciated?  Now, fast forward several years into the relationship and what you inevitably see is something called “being taken for granted”.  Somehow that niceness that was so easy to come by at the beginning of our relationships becomes harder for us to do in the middle and toward the ends of relationships. 

This is the primary reason cited by men who cheat as the reason they cheat.  They view this as an emotional disconnection between themselves and their partner, and they feel motivated to go outside the marriage to get that acceptance, love and appreciation that they crave.  The same can definitely go for a woman too though, except with women, they often feel like their partner no longer listens to them or coddles them quite like they used to, and they will often go seek that comfort and caring ear that they crave.  This is exactly why two people in a marriage must understand the other’s needs and really actively work to fulfill those whenever they can.